


Ham Left Unattended

by DonnelWaddleDee



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bucky wants to go back to sleep, Civil War ended on a happy note, Crack, Gen, Sam wants his damn sandwich, Slapstick, Tony wants his Spider son back, Unbeta'd, barely noted Stucky, unedited
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-02 02:28:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20268523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DonnelWaddleDee/pseuds/DonnelWaddleDee
Summary: Sam Wilson wanted to eat his breakfast in peace, he wanted to enjoy his lunch as best as he could. Perfect lighting, temperature, and atmosphere. But then a spider comes along and takes his sandwich and Sam wants to squash the bug for it.When confronting Peter for stealing his sandwich with the other avengers, they're met with Peter Parker, if you swap the A for an O and he was a pig from another dimension.





	Ham Left Unattended

**Author's Note:**

> Out of all the stories I worked up the courage to post, I'm half disappointed in myself that THIS is the one I ended up posting first. I don't have a plan for this one, tis but a stupid idea for a plot that made me hungry.

Twas a bright and sunny morning. The birds were singing, the wind blowing softly and everything was absolutely wonderful for our resident Falcon, Sam Wilson. The latest shipment of groceries had just come in and these particular mornings are his favorite, fresh ingredients to make the best sandwiches to wake up to, eggs and bacon with a sprinkle of warm cheese, with freshly made coffee and ripe as can be fruit.

But before Sam had the chance to take the first bite, his phone began to ring. Checking the phone number, he saw it was his mother. Best not to ignore that call.

Meanwhile the smell of his meal traveled along the compound, weaving and slithering to and fro as it snaked its way through the hallway. The smell made it's way to the door of the newest and youngest Avenger, young Peter Parker, or otherwise known as Spider-Man. Basically knocking on his door, the scent had sneaked in from under the door. The smell of bacon and eggs made its way to Peter's face and **SMACKED** him in the face with the smell, stage-whispering to him, "foooooood".

Peter unconsciously rose from his bed like a zombie in the grave, gripped by the smell as it dragged him out from his room. But wait... something is different about this Peter. Teenagers aren't the tallest on the planet but he was looking very short today. He possibly looked much more plump,looking very odd since last night. Well he doesn't seem to care about that part, Peter simply wanted to find the source of this lovely smell. 

Nose pointed in the direction of the kitchen, he crawled along clockwise from floor to wall to ceiling, circling down the hall. His nose turned around the corner as his nostrils widened in awe. A beautiful egg, bacon and cheese sandwich sat on the counter shining in glory by a single light from above. The cheese had melted along the side, looking as though it had fingers, and those fingers begged with a come-hither gesture. Not wanting to ignore request of this lovely delicacy's request, he took the plate and looked for a nice spot around to eat, moving along with his stubby legs.

Sam walked along down the hall after that phone call with his mom. Bless her soul, but he wishes he could've hung up to eat his breakfast uninterrupted. He _could've_ eaten it while talking, but that would've distracted from truly enjoying the food. Sad that it got slightly colder, but still very much delicious. But when Sam had returned from his conversation, his eyes widened in absolute horror! His breakfast sandwich was gone. He checked around to see if maybe it fell off the wayside, or might've misplaced it. He left the single light over the counter on and the rest of the group had learned that it was his message that if left unattended, the single light means that it is the meal of Sam Wilson. He scrolled through the list of possibilities of who could've done it.

Tony's a jerk, but he rarely eats breakfast. Probably would've just taken his coffee. Steve or Bucky would've made their own breakfast for the two of them. Scott wouldn't dare get do something to get on Sam's bad side. Nat's off on a solo mission so she's nowhere near the compound at the moment. That leaves Wanda and Peter, and the Spider-Kid's the newest member so he's definitely the only one that could've taken it. Grinding his teeth in anger, he stomped over to Peter's room to list his complaint. 

When he reached the room of Spider-Man, he could already smell his sandwich behind the door. "Web-head! I know you're in there! I know you stole my sandwich", but there was no response. He tried for the doorknob, but it was locked. "Listen, I know you're young, innocent, naive, so I'll cut you a break and explain how this works. Nobody, and I mean nobody, takes my morning egg-bacon-cheese sandwiches from me. You'll know it's mine because I left the single light above it. Now that you know how this works, open the door and give me back my sandwich. Can you do that for me kid?"

He waited for a response as he pressed his ear up against the door. "M...mm...ain' ya sush a beauty o'a san-wish". So Sam has just about had it. He turned around and took a distance from the door and down the hallway. Then spun back to face the door as he crouched down, readying a sprint to bust down the door. Taking off with a burst of speed, he aimed his shoulder to the center of the door. **WHAM!!**

'...yep, that's dislocated!', the door remained where it was. He forgot Tony reinforced the compound to be built near indestructible for mutants, asgardians or super soldiers. "Sam, what are you doing?", speaking of super soldiers, Steve stood in a simple t-shirt and sweatpants wiping his eyes.

"So you know the rule about how nobody's allowed to touch my breakfast right?"

"Yes"

"How the light above means it's mine?"

"Uhuh"

"Sandwich, coffee and fruit!"

"I'm aware"

"Nobody gave Spidey the memo, so he stole my sandwich and locked the door", he turned his attention back to the door. "He locked it because he _knows_ he's guilty", Sam gave a sneer to Peter's direction.

"Can't you just make another sandwich and tell Peter not to do it again?", Steve deadpanned, not completely invested in what's going on.

"It's the principle of the thing, you don't take someone else's meal unless they made it for you!", he yelled proudly

"Anyone mind telling me who ruffled the falcon's feathers?", spoke up Tony, drinking from Sam's cup of coffee.

"You're intern in here took my breakfast and I want it back!", he said before noticing the cup of coffee. "Is my cup?"

"It's the cup that was on the counter that I took", Tony said lifting the mug to his lips without pause. "So you think Underoos took your sandwich? Cause I'm gonna have to say that I don't buy that. The kid's the textbook definition of polite, waits his turn to raise his hands, please and pardons thrown every which way. "How are you so certain he took it?"

**CRONCH!** The sound of toasted bread, passed through the door as a look of horror washed over Sam. "OPEN THE DOOR!" Sam roared as he slammed his fists back and forth. 

"Huh. Kid's a teenager, maybe this is the rebellious part finally catching up to him".

"Isn't he already a rebel since he started the Spider-Man thing", Steve said to Tony as he watched Sam attempt to rip the door open.

"Somebody better have a good reason for why I'm waking up to obnoxious banging", walked in Bucky with a bunch of Sam's fruits in hand.

"The kid took Sam's sandwich and now feathers wants to kill him", Tony explained. Bucky didn't think much of it and snacked on a banana. Sam looked over to Stark, seething with rage. "Stark, you have administrative control all over the compound, can't you open the door?"

"See if we're gonna really trust each other, I made FRIDAY forbid me to open anyone else's doors to respect their privacy unless it's an emergency. Wouldn't wanna walk in on anyone's passion projects or someone doing the devil's tango", he said with a not so subtle look to the soldiers, taking another sip of coffee.

Before Sam can turn his rage to Stark, Peter's door clicked and the door swung open. 'Absolutely delicious, complements to the chef, mwah!" spoke...Peter? **CLINK** went the mug as it fell to the ground, along with Tony's jaw. Steve grabbed Bucky's left arm and gave a good **SLAP** to his own face. Bucky continued to munch on his fruit, giving no reaction to what he's looking at. Sam's face shifting from rage to disbelief looking at who's standing at the door.

"What, do I have something on my face?", said a short, plump, anthropomorphic cartoon pig staring back at them, with cheese and egg yolk on his lips.


End file.
